Cool Quotes Collection
Black Humor

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Bob Hope

I will endure all this subhuman driveling shit with a smile.

Life is like a shit sandwich. The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat.

Johnny Brown

Submit to the present evil, lest a greater one befalls you.

Phaedrus

I'm not in denial I'm just selective about the reality I choose to accept

Calvin and Hobbes

Among modern occupations, only cult leaders and TV weathermen rival the technological visionary's ability to retain credibility despite all evidence to the contrary."

Nathan Myhrvold

He who knows and knows that he knows is a master.
He who knows and does not know that he knows needs a teacher.
He who does not know and knows that he does not know, needs love.
He who thinks he knows and does not know, is lost.

Ancient proverb

When your outgo exceeds your income, then your upkeep is your downfall.

There is nothing friendlier than a wet dog.

A critic is a legless man who teaches running.

The most common cellular phone has 666 channels...

If you go to a party you will invariably find yourself being hugged or hit by total and complete strangers.

"Life Sucks", definition of "Alcohol"

Solution to 2 of the worlds major problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry...

1. Get a LOT of explosives. The more the better.
2. Hook up a detonator to an altimeter. Set it for 100-200 feet. That will give you good dispersion.
3. Mix Vaseline and gasoline in a bucket.
4. Find a really tall building. Something like the World Trade Center is perfect and is in a sufficiently crowded area to generate the proper sized crowd.
5. Get an extra large trench coat, ski mask, duct tape and a lighter.
6. Bring your materials to the top of your building. Liberally apply the Vaseline-gasoline mixture to your entire body. Duct tape the explosives around your legs, arms, head and torso. The more you use the better. You cannot overdo this. Attach the altimeter to the explosives.
7. Put on the trench coat and mask so that the explosives are not visible.
8. Start ranting and throwing things so that you are sure to attract notice. Drag this part out as long as possible. Say anything that comes to mind but try to stay away from real problems. Your love life DOES NOT make for a good sound bite. Ask for news cameras from the major networks. Pace around a lot while waving your arms.
9. DO NOT let on that you have explosives on your body. The police will clear the area and you definitely don't want that.
10. When you've gotten the crowd to a fevered pitch, when the helicopters are hovering like vultures, whip off the jacket and set yourself on fire.
11. Wait until you are completely engulfed in flame then jump.
12. Try to steer yourself towards the crowd. That way flaming falling body parts will pelt the fleeing onlookers when you explode.
13. Congratulations! You've just made history.

Cool Ways to Kill Yourself (Difficulty level 7)

"If you think you know what the hell is going on, you're probably full of shit."

Robert Anton Wilson

Do you know I think is dumb? Probably not, huh. Well anyway it always kills me when I see parents yell at there kids for squirting people with a squirt gun. What is the kid suppose to think anyway, I mean its a gun, meant to get people wet, hence the name squirt gun . That is like selling a disgruntled postal worker a real gun, when indeed he is about to flip, they know when selling him the gun, the outcome will be bad.

Deep Thoughts by Nate

What's the deal with toilet paper these days? Its no longer called "toilet paper". There are little sissy names for it such as: "bathroom tissue", and many others. [...]

[Pets] never complain. They never bite you, or pee on you because you don't call them "k9s", or "Felines". They just go about their business, like humping your leg, or licking each others genitals.

More Deep Thoughts by Nate

The crybabies mental anguish is about as significant as an pine weasel fart in a forest with no one to hear it.

In Germany, Gunther Burpus remained wedged in his front-door cat flap for two days because passers-by thought he was a piece of installation art. Mr Burpus, 41, of Bremen, was using the flap because he had mislaid his keys. Unfortunately he was spotted by a group of student pranksters who removed his trousers and pants, painted his bottom bright blue, stuck a daffodil between his buttocks and erected a sign saying 'Germany Resurgent, an Essay in Street Art. Please give Generously'. Passers-by assumed Mr Burpus' screams were part of the act and it was only when an old woman complained to the police that he was finally freed. "I kept calling for help," he said, "but people just said 'Very good! Very clever!' and threw coins at me."

Big Issue

When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as here in the USA - with the cute baby on the label. Later they found out that in Africa companies routinely put pictures on the label of what is inside since most people can not read.

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