DROP THE SCYTHE, AND TURN AROUND SLOWLY.

If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?

"Let's just say that if complete and utter chaos were lightning, he'd be the sort to stand on a mountain in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armor and shouting 'All gods are bastards'."

"The Color of Magic"
Terry Pratchett

If you want your name spelt wrong, die.

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

I have a drinking problem, I can't afford it.

Don't Panic. The Earth is just being demolished for a hyperspace bypass.

The Hitchhiker's
Guide to the Galaxy

"The story so far:

In the beginning the Universe was created.

This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

I'll never get off this planet.

Hell's broken loose.

"You know the oxygen masks on airplanes ? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams."

Rita Rudner

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."

George Bernard Shaw

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."

I said, "You'll be sorry."

He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?"

I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

Emo Philips

One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping. Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note: "Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad."

"The brakes were useless, the car was wandering. The rear end was coming around. I jammed it down into Low, but it made no difference so I straightened it out and braced for a serious impact, a crash that would probably kill me.

"My heart was full of joy as I took the first hit, which was oddly soft and painless. No real shock at all...

Yes. These huge white lumps were not boulders. They were sheep."

Hunter S. Thompson

Warning: Do not drink the battery acid. It doesn't taste good and will hurt you. Also do not bite the tires, especially while the bike is moving.

Our lawyers made us put these warnings in.

An Australian motorcycle manual

A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

Lew Col

All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.

"You are a fluke of the universe... You have no right to be here. Whether you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back."

National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"