Cool Quotes Collection
Black Humor

I was walking down the street when this man hammering on his roof called me a paranoid little freak... In Morse code.

Emo Phillips

If you can read this, the bitch fell off.

Back of a motorcycle jacket

Rehab is for quitters.

The reason attempted suicide is illegal: The government can't tax you if you're dead.

If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I would have farted.

History is merely one damn thing after another. Love, however, is two damn things after each other.

Unknown, quoted by a Harvard admissions guy

Guys are like parking lots, all the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.

Unknown woman

Sex is like a bridge game, if you don't have a good partner you had better have a good hand.

Here's a toast -- To those who challenge us to mind games, but forget to bring their equipment!

Lou Crane

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn!

The best way of dealing with the insane is to pretend that you are sane

Hospital Charge Nurse

I remember reading that scientists once believed the universe was made of hydrogen, because it was the most plentiful ingredient found. If that theory holds any truth, then I believe it to be made of stupidity.

Frank Zappa

The good thing about Alzheimer is that you meet new people every day.

MAXIM magazine

When I'm done with you, you're gonna wish your daddy pulled out early.

Preacher (comic book)

If at first you don't succeed, fuck the world and smoke some weed.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Mark Twain

Mean people suck,
Nice people swallow,
Stupid people choke,
And weird people gargle.

N. S. Featherman

Love is like racing across the frozen tundra on a snowmobile which flips over, trapping you underneath. At night, the ice-weasels come.

Marc Maron

I don't drink to get happy or to forget the pain. I drink to stop the voices in my head. Do you know what's so bad about them, they stutter. Ddddddave... Kkkkkkikikill your papapapapaparents!!

Andrew Dice Clay

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