Laugh 20

Cool Quotes Collection
Laughs

There is no sign of a fever, but her husband has stated she was very hot in bed last night.

Actual Doctor's Note

Have I gained a loss, or merely lost again?

Adam Burke

In the manned space program's early days, NASA spent $1 million to develop a pen that wrote upside down. The Russians used a pencil.

Focus

I'm half Scottish and half Jewish, so don't ask me for money.

David Duchovny

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

Homer Simpson

Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life!

Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.

Your school GPA is inversely proportionate to your girlfriend's looks and vise versa.

Science College Professor

I don't let facts cloud my opinions.

Woodrow Wilson

Sex is like math: add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and hope you don't multiply.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7,8,9.

I refuse to join any club that would have me for a member.

Groucho Marx

Panties aren't a mans best friend, but they are next to it.

Jerry "The King" Lawler

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Andrew J Smith

Friends are there to help you, real friends are there to help you hide bodies.

Andrew J Smith

Dehydrated H2O: just add water.

Unite against togetherness!

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Nick Featherman

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Nick Featherman

Why are there flotation devices under seats in airplanes instead of parachutes?

Nick Featherman